Saturday, May 19, 2012

Cold Dish.

I've found myself in the company of some incredibly talented people.  My dear friend Benny is the lead singer of a funk/soul cover band called Stoned Soul Revival.  I also have a new friend who has been shipped over from across the pond to pursue her country music career here in Nashville.  My British friend was dying to have an 'American' name, so she insisted on being called Deb.

Anyway, I headed out to my favorite East Nashville patio last night to see Deb perform an opening set for SSR's head lining act.  A real motley crew had assembled to partake in the musical festivities.  Of course, Holly was in attendance, and new characters to the blog; Deb's fabulous manager JBomb, my co-worker Stahlrus, Benny's lover KerBear, and Stahlrus' roomates - The Sister Wives.

As with any event I attend, the beer and shots were flowing.  Deb rocked her set and is well on her way to country music stardom, and SRR was incredible.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, especially JBomb, who found herself lip-locked with a man who may or may not have been from Down Under.  Regardless, JBomb was hoping to get her nosh on...and not in the food consumption sense.  Being the ever savvy business woman that she is, JBomb had a stipulation to be met in order for her new Aussie friend to take her home...he had to first make a stop at the drag show with her, Deb, and Holly.  Not surprisingly, the Aussie disappeared for a bit when he heard JBomb's deal.

I decided to assist JBomb in tracking down the Aussie, as Drifter's is not that big so he surely could not have gotten very far.  We locked arms and walked around to the back patio.  We didn't run into the Aussie, but I found something much, much better.

Sitting on the back patio was a guy I had a huge crush on awhile back.  He never made the blog, but we went on a handful of dates and he became a douche bag.  Similar to just about every dating situation I've had lately, he was playing the field at the time, and I didn't make the cut.  Long story short, words were exchanged, and we parted ways.  I hadn't actually seen or spoken with him in about a year, and last I knew, he lived in Pigeon Forge...but here he was, in East Nashville at my favorite 5-Points hang out.  At first, I was a bit surprised and taken aback, and JBomb and I quickly looped back around to the front patio.  However, just as I noticed him after a second glance, he had noticed me as well.

I decided to grab KerBear and take another lap around the back patio, and after KerBear's tour, I took Sister Wife Lorenzo around back as well.

I kept meandering by with my friends, not because I had hoped this was serendipitous fate, and that we were finally meant to be together, but instead because he's now fat and I'm in great shape.  I made several passes so he could see how fantastic I look.  I was loving every minute of this situation, and he, I'm sure, was eating his heart out.

I returned to the front patio to continue drinking and enjoy the rest of the SSR show, plus I had to tell all of my other friends about my small victory.  Before long, my former crush decided to come say hello.  I wasn't interested in making any conversation, but I decided to be a bit cordial and respond to him.  He asked how I was, and I returned the question.  In my drunken state, I could not help but to blurt out that he sure has put on a lot of weight.  He told me he is currently in a production of "Hairspray", and I asked as who; Edna Turnblad?

I didn't intend to be so harsh, but seriously, he had been a douche-nozzle, and I have moved onto to bigger and better things.  Besides, nothing can really get you over a crush like seeing how awful they look now, and frankly in the words of Ivana Trump; "Looking good is the best revenge."

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