Saturday, March 31, 2012

Crash Diet.

I wouldn't consider myself a fitness buff by any means.  In reality, I have a pretty awful diet and I drink a lot.  I do run quite a bit though, and lately have been dabbling with resuming the 'Insanity' workout.  Usually, my most strenuous workout happens on a Friday night, when I end up dancing the night away at Play.

However, yesterday morning I had to partake in the ultimate crash diet to shed a few unnecessary pounds.  I gave up chocolate and  I lost roughly 175 pounds in about six minutes.

Over the course of the past 10-ish days, things went sour with my Chocolate Boo, Bro.  Last weekend, Bro went MIA and I had not heard from him for 4 days, but he had cooked up quite the elaborate story to cover his bases.  He wove this tale about how his phone had some water damage, and he was really busy with work, and he hadn't been able to buy a new phone and blah blah blah.

Holly quickly jumped ship and had been advocating to move on, as Bro was pulling some serious shade.  Me, being the kind and generous man that I am, decided to give Bro the benefit of the doubt.  Shame on me.

Long story, short...Bro met up with Holly and I on Thursday evening; complete with the phone that was supposed to have been broken and replaced.  Not too many details slip my eye, and I surely noticed.    We drank a few beers and Bro had to slip out and head home.  Oddly enough, he left me with his tab.

Fast forward to Friday morning, and an anonymous, yet trusted, tipster gave me a heads up that perhaps Bro had moved on to other things.  I am never one to beat around the bush, so I cut straight to the chase, plus I'm smart enough to leave but I'm left.

I sent Bro a message to see what was going on, and turns out, he actually is interested in someone else.  I, surprisingly, was able to maintain my composure quite well and wished him all the best.  I congratulated him on being able to fool me so well, as I consider myself to be quite intelligent, and if nothing else somewhat clever.  I am able to read people fairly well and fairly quickly, but Bro slipped my radar for a bit.

Bro is now out of the picture, but do not fret...I am only temporally giving up chocolate, this experience surely has not made me a diabetic, and frankly, I'm ready to get back to the candy shop.  

Saturday, March 3, 2012

True Holly-wood Story.

Lately, I have not been the one finding myself in odd situations.  In fact, Holly has definitely surpassed me and has been experiencing a string of outrageously, ridiculous predicaments.

From previous posts, you may have gathered that Holly is a regular around here, a bit of a pot stirrer, and has big hair full of secrets.  He's the furtherest from being shy or reserved and has yet to meet a camera, or a mirror he doesn't like.  Mostly, he's been my partner in crime or my wing man through all of the strange things and/or people I have encountered, however, the tables have turned and this post is actually all about Holly's happenings in the last month.

About a month-ish ago, the Grizzlies hosted a go-go dance party with a black light/glow paint twist.  Even more twisted, the Grizzlie go-go dancers were stripped down to their skivvies, slathered in day-glo colors, and danced on platforms placed throughout the bar.  Usually when the Grizzlies host a beer bust, Holly and I just show up to look good, drink some beer, and work the crowd...fully clothed.

The lights dimmed, the beer was a-flowing, and the paint was a-glowing.  The dancers started getting into their groove and the night got on its way.  Walking into the event, Holly was adamant that he was not in the mood to dance in his underwear for tips.  Homeowner soon started to plant the seed that Holly should join the other dancers and hop up on one of the stages.

Without really having to twist Holly's arm too much, he quickly dropped trou, suited up in glo-paint, and took his place under the black light.  I was completely content with a beer in my hand, making a lap around the bar every 3.5 minutes or so.

Holly quickly became at home dancing in front of a crowd in his underoos, without the slightest hesitation.  Holly was cutting a rug and trippin the light fantastic, and after a few cocktails he had lost just a bit of his coordination.  Before anyone could fully realize what had happened, Holly had danced right off the platform, and busted his ass on the bar front of a crowd of fans.


Not being one to lay around with his legs in the air, Holly made a speedy recovery and was back up and dancing...drink in hand...within seconds.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and Holly somehow finds himself out in public....stripped down to his underwear yet again.

This time, the Music City Sisters were hosting a Valentine's Day themed underwear auction and beer bust.  The Homeowner's BFF and Karen (another Grizzlie, whom is a boy but has characteristics very similar to those of Karen from Mean Girls) were slated to 'perform' and have their underwear auctioned off.  Homeowner, Holly, and myself were simply in attendance to support the Sisters, the event, and drink some beer.

If any of the situation I have explained sounds strange, it is.  The premise of this event consisted of the models wearing a pair of underwear for the evening, then auctioning them off at the end of the night.   More so against participating in this particular even than he was against dancing for the Grizzlies, Holly attempted to make it quite clear that he would not, under any circumstances, model a pair of underwear around the bar.

Homeowner joked with Holly about having him model, but Holly refused.  However, Holly had a complete change of heart once the offer of free beer in exchange for modeling was on the table.  Within moments, Holly was once again in nothing but his delicates in a bar full of people.

For not wanting to be an underwear auction model, Holly sure had no problem working the crowd.  Once again, he found himself dancing on a stage in the bar...this time sandwiched between a twink and a guy in a British flag thong.  God save the Queen.

Learning from his past stage dancing experience, Holly managed not to fall this time.  I could not get enough beer in me to be able to take on the situation unfolding before my eyes.  When it came time for the underwear auction, Holly's skivvies raked in $100.

At the end of the day, the strange things don't happen to just me, Holly sure get his fair share too.  Holly is simple, shallow, and a common whore, and frankly that's why we get along so well.