Sunday, January 8, 2012

Mama's Boy.

I've started to develop a routine with Holly, you all know Holly, he's a regular here.  Well, it's not so much that I developed a routine, I pretty much just started crashing a routine that Holly already had in place.

Anyway, the Friday night routine consists of tacos, beers, and shots of tequila at Chago's Cantina then off to Tribe so Holly can join his Roundtable friends and I can make a feeble attempt to prowl the selection of semi-eligible bachelors.

After a long week, Friday night finally rolled around and I could not have been any more ready for all the Tecate and tequila I could get my hands on.  I met Holly at Chago's and got the night started.  Shots were lined up, and we were ready to go!

We enjoyed our time at Chago's, but before long, it was time to move on.  The Cantina was quickly filling up with Belmont Douchenozzles and Sorostitutes, and I couldn't stomach another tequila shot at that point in time.  In just two hours, we had lost count of our shot consumption.

We jetted over to Tribe to let the real festivities begin.  Holly and a group of friends have Roundtable every Friday night, and I mostly just tag along to see if I can get anyone's phone numbers.  In my experience, Friday night at Tribe offers the freshest selection of people I'm not familiar with.  By time Showtunes Sunday rolls around, the place if full of Ruggers and Regulars... two groups that are often one in the same.

Holly and I quickly ordered a round of beers, and I started scanning the crowd.  Surprisingly, within moments a newbie whom I have never seen in town before sat down at the end of the bar.  He was clearly alone, as there weren't any open seats around him and he seemed to be anxiously checking his phone every 23 seconds.

In exchange for my Friday night company, Holly becomes the Goose to my Maverick and serves as a wingman, however he doesn't die in the end of the story.  Although, after this tale, his wingman skills may be revoked.

I pointed out the newbie to Holly, and sent Holly in to do a bit of recon.  I played coy and went to get more beers to give Holly a bit of time to extract the vitals...mostly I just needed to know if he was single and had all of his teeth.  I could handle the rest once the ice had been broken.

Holly broke the ice and now it was time for me to step in and take over.  I introduced myself, and he told me his name was Jeremy, at least that's how I saved him in my phone.  Jeremy Dancer.  I'm not sure at all if his name is Jeremy, but for now it will be, but I do know that he is a dancer from Manhattan.

Holly stepped out of the picture and I began some small chat with Jeremy Dancer.  Almost immediately the conversation turned to Holly.  Jeremy Dancer was smitten...with the wrong person.  Try as I might, I was failing at turning the conversation from Holly.  Don't get me wrong, Jeremy Dancer was interested in me as well, but more so to be BFFLs, braid each others' hair and read Tiger Beat.  I was becoming annoyed, Holly wingmanned the worst possible person in the bar in my opinion.  It took a bit of arguing, but I was able to slightly convince Jeremy Dancer that Holly is not on the market, and the only reason he approached him in the first place was to be able to introduce me to him.

Finally the conversation had turned back to me, where it should have been all along.  We began chatting about our professions, and when I had explained to Jeremy Dancer about the work I do with at risk and underserved kids, he simply suggested we should buy out the inhabitants and tear down the projects.  He pitched his idea as though it would solve all of East Nashville's problems.  We began a heated debate on how to break the cycle of poverty within a neighborhood, but Jeremy Dancer stood firm on just tearing down the low income housing I have come to serve and love.

At this point in time, I had had a fair enough amount to drink and was defending something I am incredibly passionate about.  The perfect storm was brewing.  I decided to excuse myself from the conversation, things could get ugly.  I took a few a laps around the bar, chatted with Holly, thought and hoped Jeremy Dancer would cut his losses just as I was willing to do and move along.  Just as I was walking up to Holly and Roundtable Crew, I noticed my Buckeye boyfriend from a few weeks ago had joined the group...and sure enough, my Buckeye boyfriend's boyfriend was working the back door.

Nothing about this evening was going right, and I was way too sober to handle any of it.

A couple more beers and a shot of Fireball down, Holly and I were ready to move on to Play.  I figured there was no way Jeremy Dancer would still tag along.  Boy, was I wrong.  Jeremy Dancer was just dying to see a drag show and was enjoying our newly formed friendship.

We made it to Play and now Jeremy Dancer was buying beers, I figured it was the least he could do after criticizing my livelihood.  We had been able to salvage a bit of our conversation, and move on to topics that he was a bit more informed on and I wasn't so passionate about.

All the while I was talking with Jeremy Dancer, I was still scanning the crowd to see if anyone else had caught my eye.  Sure enough, several people had but I could not get the chance to break away.  And just when I thought Holly could step in and appease Jeremy Dancer for just a moment, the cast of Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys showed up and sent Holly into a tizzy.

Holly flew into a tirade concerning reality tv, Sundance, and a group of nobodies.  He was yelling about the low budget reality show to anyone would listen, however he was in the bathroom by himself and his rant fell on deaf ears.  He rejoined the group and his rant was trailing off, but just then a cast member walked by.  At that very same time, I went to take a sip of my fresh bottle of beer, Holly renewed his tirade, swung his arms around and caused the bottle to bust my nose.

Before I knew it, I had a bloody nose and prayed it wasn't broken.  I left Holly, Jeremy Dancer, and Roundtable Crew and b-lined for the bathroom.  As I stood over the sink with paper towels shoved up my nostrils, I hoped none of the Play staff thought I had been doing lines of coke off a urinal.  Not only had Holly set me up with a dud, I now had sustained an injury from him.  A bloody nose at the gay bar is not a good look.

I valiantly made a full recovery, but was now worried I'd have two black eyes from the blow.

The night had gone by so quickly, and getting popped in the face with a beer bottle sobered me up pretty  fast.  I finished what was left of my drink, spent about 5 minutes on the dance floor, tried to talk to a different guy but was completely cock blocked by Jeremy Dancer and got ready to call it a night.  Jeremy Dancer said he'd love to hang out with Holly and I again, as he thought we were really fantastic people...which we are.

I made one last, incredibly desperate attempt to salvage anything from the night and invited Jeremy Dancer to come home with me.  He politely rejected my invitation by saying that although he'd love to, he had to get home to his mother.


I spent all night entertaining this fool, and now he was rejecting me for his mother.  As if the blow to my nose weren't enough, I had been cock blocked and my ego was dented as well.  I'm all for a guy who loves his mama, as I very much love mine, but on a Friday night I am not one to reject a good lookin' guy to go back home for some late night quality time with the 'rents.

Holly's wing was absolutely awful.  Perhaps next time I'll just scope out my own interests for myself, and frankly there's always next Friday.

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