Thursday, September 15, 2011

Hocus Pocus.

Well I spent most of last Friday night scantly clad in a red sequin toga.  The Grizzlies threw another beer bust, this one was obviously a Toga Party.  As the reigning Most Bejeweled, and with just a month to go until I reclaim the throne for another year, I had a title to uphold, so of course I chose sequin fabric to fashion a modest toga out of.

The Paratrooper and I, both toga clad, though his was an old bed sheet from college, headed to Tribe for a night of beer busting with the rugby team.  And for inquiring minds, things are going just swell with PT, nothing official, but at this point in time, enjoying each others' company.

The night was going well.  PT was doing his own thing, mingling with people he wanted to talk to, and I was doing mine.  Unlike previous beer bust nights, I wasn't scouting the crowd for any prospects.  Although PT and I are not attached at the hip, we arrived together, and therefore would be leaving together as well.

I was making my usual rounds, and picked up Rugger JR along the way.  The routine became to drink a beer or two  and take a loop around the bar to see if there were any opportunities to see or be seen.  Of course, when in just a swatch of red sequined fabric, it's difficult to not be seen.  It didn't take many laps around the bar before offers came in for free drinks from various onlookers.  Well of course, I was obliged to accept just a couple drinks, and if it came to the point of conversation where it was time to exchange names, I gave the name of my wealthy alias; Hunter Greene.

I had a great time with PT and the rest of the team, and as the night wore on, eventually we made our way over to Play for a few more drinks.  I knew before long that PT and I should bow out gracefully, as to prevent a repeat performance of the last time we found ourselves on Play's dance floor surrounded by a sea of laser beams and dry ice smoke.  The night ended and that was that.  I couldn't believe that I had successfully made it through an entire Grizzlie night with nothing more to talk about than just a few free drinks.

The weekend passed, and I got back to the grind at my M-F job.  I had a few minutes in between meetings and home visits, so I stopped by a local coffee shop for an afternoon pick me up.  I had just received my drink and figured I could sit down for just a minute to enjoy it.  I was suddenly engrossed in sipping my "mint to bee" and crossing off the completed tasks in my agenda.  As I was x-ing through the days with a green highlighter, I suddenly got that erie prickly feeling that someone was staring at me...and sure enough, when I looked up there was a rotund, furry, creepy man with long greasy black hair and an Aeropostale graphic tee standing just inches from me.  I was caught a bit off guard and perhaps slightly confused.

All I could think to say was, "Did you need something?"

The creeper asked if I had been at Tribe for the toga party, and had I been wearing a red toga?  Of course this was true, but I wasn't really sure what would happen if I were to confirm such information.  Then I quickly recalled the couple of free drinks that I had accepted that night, and one surely did not come from him.  Completely unamused by this chance encounter, I said that I had.  He apologized for bothering me, but said I was handsome and disappointed we did not get to talking at the bar.  Personally, I was thrilled I did not notice him and/or speak with him, clearly his social skills are a bit rusty.  He then said I could check him out on Plenty of Fish if I were interested in getting to know more about him and slipped me a napkin with a screen name and telephone number written on it.

Well, I wasn't interested in chatting any more with him, but my curiosity got the best of me and I had to at least do some light dating site stalking.  Plus, it really isn't stalking if he just outright gave me the information that I needed to know.  Perhaps his profile would give me some insight as to what hotspots I need to avoid and at what times, as to not cross paths again.  I really don't like when people from previous events spot me out in public and create an incredibly awkward social situation...don't they know that's what Craigslist Missed Connections are for?!

As soon as I got a free moment I checked out the profile in question.  Turns out, my new acquaintance has 'Every day Witch' listed for his profession.  His interests include drawing, tarot, and witchcraft.  I did not even need to read any further, this guy was already a catch from the get-go.  But I was under the impression that witches were usually female, and wizards were male.  Apparently I learned nothing from my investment in both reading and watching the 'Harry Potter' series.  Scrolling even further down his page I had to take a moment to read then decipher his About Me;

"hi how r yall? Lookin round for my soulmate. I kno i mite not find him here, but worth a shot. Im a down to earth, fun loving guy lookin for same. I kno how to have a good time, and i kno how to be serious wen need be. the guy who liks the same things i do wuld be good to.  practic witchcraft so if thats is a problem dont bother. Hope to hear from yall :D" 

The incredibly horrific spelling grated my last nerve, and I'm really not one to take interest in the dark arts.  If I ever need a witchcraft fix I'll just watch my favorite dark arts movie...'Hocus Pocus'.   I thought it was odd though, that an every day witch could not just conjure up an every day spell to help correct his every day spelling and word use.

How do these sorts of people find me?  Whatever it is I do that attracts the weirdest of the weird, I need to figure it out and discontinue it ASAP.  But now I am on The Witch's radar, and I sure hope he did not have time to cast a quick spell on me before he walked out of the coffee shop.  Before I could even log out of the site he had sent me a quick little note just to say hi.

"hi man, seen that u had lokked up my page.  what r yu into? i'm a fun loving guy looking for the same. avrage build, 510'' 285 brown hair.   ever have ur tarot read? i do those. maybe we can meet up soon.  we probablt have alot in comon.  moives r aweful for first datees. Too loud. I would like a nice dinner then a walk on the beach   get back to me"

I should have left well enough alone, and not even bothered looking up his profile.  Sadly, I have to pass at the offer to have my tarot read to me on the beach by an overweight every day witch, which by the way, 285 lbs is not an average build unless you are an every day football player.  There is no way this was a match made by the stars; I don't feel as though we have anything in common.  I enjoy proper spelling, grammar, and leading a normal muggle life style, and frankly, the male witch did NOT even have a pair of ruby slippers.  
  

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