Tuesday, April 5, 2011

King Of Wishful Thinking

Just when I thought my dating life, or lack thereof, couldn't get any stranger, I find myself in middle of a 'Pretty Woman' remake.  This evening I was greeted with this gem of an email;


"I know this is lame but...my high school reunion is coming up and I'm trying to find a date for it. Not looking for sex just a nice looking guy to be my date and pose as my bf for the reunion. I'm willing to pay for your time and expenses for the reunion."


This totally sounds like the basic plot line of the popular Julia Roberts and Richard Gere blockbuster, however his Edward to my Vivian was not a tall, handsome, and charming man, but rather a rotund, squatty, troll who probably is the proud owner of more than one cat.  


I wasn't even sure how to process such a strange request, but apparently I come across as an escort. I tactfully replied with although I was flattered, I wouldn't feel comfortable in this situation. He replied with; 


"it wouldnt be intense..and not alot of questions....just don't want to show up single....."


As fun as it would be to act as someone's fake boyfriend in front of their high school class, which by the way, I wasn't even in middle school yet when he was graduating high school, I think I would have to pass on this enticing offer. But curiosity had gotten the best of me, and I couldn't help but wonder why he choose to email me, completely randomly, out of everyone else.


"just went through the site and picked a few guys that looked like normal guys....that fit some stats (white, at least as tall as me, top(just because tops tend to be more masculine), and had a preppy look about them). you are one of my top pics...."


Well I was glad I made the cut out of such an intense and scrutinizing selection process. I guess it was the same luck that Vivian had that by chance she happened to be standing out on that street corner in a sea of other hookers.


"totally promise to make it worth your time..... :) no sex unless you want it....i just need a nice date for the reunion....it'll be an overnight trip...we'll spend the night in a hotel.....i'll pay for everything....or might give you the cash and let you pay for it...ya know let you be the gentleman lol"


Maybe I could even get a shopping spree of out this, and I'd kill for the chance to tell a snobby commissioned saleslady that she had made a HUGE mistake.  


Not really wanting to go much further, as it was already strange enough, I said it wouldn't be appropriate to act as a boyfriend so classmates would think you got the younger, incredibly good looking guy.


"well i dont want to show up single to my high school reunion. i'm single right now.....i really don't associate with anyone from high school but in high school i was the outcast....the one that was picked on and tormented.....i'd like to be seen as successful and happy and with a boyfriend that's hot and successful.....and i'm willing to pay to make sure that happens lol was thinking the base would be 500 and then have extras that if done would earn more money...with a Max amt set. there would be a test meeting one weekend so I could make certain you're what I'm looking for. you'd be compensated for that. and the details if the reunion would be worked out then"


What kind of deal is this?? He only offered $500...Vivian made $3000, and that was back in 1990. I figure with inflation, the figure should be a bit higher. Apparently when it comes to dating, I can only do so well as to be a low end escort for some guy to feel better about himself at his high school reunion. I had to decline this offer, pretending to be a boyfriend does not seem all that appealing to me, and frankly, I'd only tag along to a reunion if I am able to say that I invented Post-Its.