Friday, February 25, 2011


Although Valentine's Day was a complete bust, and I've actually not spoken to Rhoda since that wonderful holiday, I have since moved onto bigger and better things.  The past week and a half have actually been quite exciting.

Let me rewind just a bit...

After VDay I was geared up and ready for my regular Tuesday night activity....Drag Bingo/Taco Tuesday at Mad Donna's.  ALo, JHett, and TriSarahTops were all unavailable to attend with me, and my evening fun was beginning to look a bit weak.  I needed to take matters into my own hands, I couldn't miss cheap tacos, and I had an incredibly crummy date to make up for.  I texted a guy that I had been chatting with for a bit, though we never could arrange a time to hang out.  I figured I was going out on a limb, not everyone enjoys drag queen bingo...especially on a first day.  Surprisingly he said he'd like to go.  I'm not one for conventional first dates to places like The Olive Garden Italian Restaurant, so drag queen bingo with $2 tacos was in store for the evening.  If I could find someone who wouldn't mind such an off the wall event for a first date, or really any date for that matter, things would surely go half-way decently.

We met up to partake in an evening of bingo, and I even won an incredibly eclectic mixed C.D., which I am convinced you need to be on acid to actually enjoy.  I get a bit competitive during bingo, I even come equipped with my very own lucky Treasure Troll, and as I've said before, Jesus loves a winner.   Long story short, we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and our cheap eats, even though the drag queen was not any sort of queen at all, but rather a boy in a cheap dress from Deb.  Oddly enough I ran into Rhoda from the evening before, and we did not have much to say to each other, other than an awkward hello.  As we were leaving bingo we ran into Vacation Jake on the street corner, outside of Lipstick Lounge.  Any first date that was centered around Drag Queen Bingo could not possibly be complete without a trip to the local lesbian bar.  The night was still fairly young, so we joined Vacation Jake for a bit of karaoke.

Obviously, I know how to plan a stellar date.  How could anyone say no to these exciting festivities?!

At one point at Lipstick, my date was accosted by an extremely older, and much drunker, gentleman who claimed the two of us looked like brothers...and Leslie Neilsen.  I sure hope he was speaking of a much much younger Leslie Neilsen, rest his soul.

Our evening came to an end and we said our goodbyes.

Flash forward to present day and in the time since our first date we have met up to eat Mexican food and watch Jersey Shore, another trip to Drag Queen Bingo, and a sushi date with a Jack and Coke nightcap.  So far I'd say things are going pretty swell, and what isn't romantic about drag queens, guidos, and whiskey...I'm sure Ke$ha would kill for a date like that.

Tomorrow's date will take place at the Brad Paisley concert which I won tickets for from my sweet new job that I started on Monday.  It's been a pretty decent week and a half since Valentine's Day.  Perhaps my luck is starting to turn around; I've started a new job, been on a series of great dates, and won concert tickets, and frankly, I can do anything good.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Yesterday started out as any typical Monday would, except it was Valentine's Day.  I was fully prepared to have my Facebook wall bombarded with an endless array of sappy status updates and pictures of flowers and teddy bears everyone received from the special people in their lives.  I was even fully prepared for any possible engagement which might pop up through the course of the day.  In my humble opinion, VDay is the WORST day for an engagement...and if I were to ever be proposed to on February 14th, I would most certainly decline the offer.  There are plenty of other days throughout the year, so there is no need to pick the lamest possible day known to man.  Just for future reference; other off-days include my birthday and Christmas but for opposite reasons as Valentine's Day...but sure bet days, that if you were to propose to me I would certainly say yes are St. Patrick's Day and opening day of Spartan Football.

Anyway, I was perfectly content with being single on Valentine's day, because as I have stated before, the day is stupid.  And I had actually received the very best Valentine package from LaceFace, I got an entire box of Reese's Peanut Butter eggs....I could not be happier.

The day progressed as any Monday would, I went to work, I came home, I went for a run and then I did the unthinkable...

I actually went on a date...on Valentine's Day.  Now don't jump to any conclusions, it was NOT anything over the top romantic or Valentine themed in any way, it just so happened to fall on February 14th.  I had been chatting with a guy, whom shall be referred to as Rhoda, for a little while and as chance would have it we were both free for dinner.

Since there was not any prep done for a Valentine's Day date, and it was fairly last minute, any big name place that I would usually turn to for a dinner date would surely be full.  Whiskey Kitchen, Rosepepper, and Tin Angel were out of the question.  I was having a craving for Mexican food...mainly for a margarita, so I chose a gem of place on the East side known as Las Maracas.  Las Maracas is not stellar food by any means, but it is decent enough and you can taste more tequila than sweet and sour mix in their margaritas, so it's ok in my book.  And best of all, as a holiday special, margs were only $2.14.  Though I would typically gag at such a corny promotion, that's better than happy hour prices!  Score!  Maybe a good thing or two does come from Valentine's Day after all, and perhaps I can see another side of this Hallmark Holiday.

Rhoda and I spent the next 90 minutes in quite an entertaining conversation...we quoted "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" almost the entire time.  Occasionally the convo was peppered with a line or two from "Mean Girls" or "Clueless" but it quickly returned back to RMHSR.  Not many people can quote Romy and Michelle so well, I thought I had a rare talent, but  it figures that I find myself on a date lacking in any actual conversation on VDay and we spend all of dinner talking in lines from popular teen girl comedies.  The conversation honestly did not go any deeper than the intellectually stimulating debate Cher posed when discussing the government's similarity to a dinner party with their involvement in Haiti.  (Bonus points to you if you actually know this reference.)

Dinner and a few margaritas came to an end, and there weren't any lines left in the movie to recite, and since there hadn't been a sequel made, it was time to part ways.  I retired back to the attic and fixed myself a Jack and Coke and watched Sunday's episode of "Desperate Housewives".  My Valentine's date actually was not anything special, so therefore my opinion of February 14th remains the same.  I had an enjoyable time with Rhoda, and although I am a sucker for a conversation full of pop movie quotes, I would like a little substance too, and frankly, I'm the Mary.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Single's Awareness Day.

The cashier at Kroger must know by now that I am completely single.  At 7:45 last night I was purchasing a can of coffee, a frozen pizza, and a handful of Reese's Peanut Butter eggs.  I tried to use the U-Scan so that no one else would be exposed to my pathetic Saturday night shopping spree at the grocery store, but sadly they were either shut down or the lines were too long.

However, before I had checked out at Kroger, I was bombarded with aisles and displays chock full of Valentine's Day crap.  Red and pink hearts, I Luv You balloons, and every kind of stuffed animal imaginable was jam packed onto any end-cap or center fixture available.  I became immediately annoyed by the onslaught of junk everywhere I looked.  Now this has nothing to do with me being single or not, but I despise Valentine's Day.  I absolutely without a doubt hate the whole day and idea behind it.  My love for someone can't be summed up through a Hallmark card and a mylar balloon, or an overpriced dinner that I had to book weeks in advance just to guarantee my date and I a reservation at an overrated chain restaurant.  I prefer holidays that have real substance and meaning such as Christmas or St. Patrick's Day.  And to add insult to injury, it's just a reminder that I'm single.  I don't need a holiday to remind me of anything, especially not my lack of a meaningful receipt for frozen dinners and extremely premature Easter candy is reminder enough.

Even when I was in a serious relationship, I have never been fond been of Valentine's day...although for one Valentine's day, my jackass of an ex decided to get himself a tattoo as mine and his himself.  Fret not, the tattoo wasn't our initials, or my name, or anything of the was a horseshoe that had smoke coming off of it as though it had just been branded to his chest.  Looking back now, that should have been a sign that we weren't meant to be together...

Another Valentine's Day is quickly approaching, and I have no prospects for a Valentine of my own, which is actually fine because I am never in the mood to buy some stupid ass cliche VDay junk.  I think my disdain for the holiday stems back to early elementary school when we were forced to give a Valentine's Day card to every student in the class, no matter if we liked them or not.  Why should I have to give a card to everyone?  It's not my fault I wasn't friends with the smelly kid, or the kid who had a lisp, or the one who always seemed to have gum or paste stuck in her hair.  I can't help it that I was so popular that everyone wanted to be friends with me and my paper wrapped shoe box was often stuffed to the brim with other people's love and affection.  

Now as a 26 year old, completely eligible bachelor, I try to avoid all Valentine's related things at any costs.  I chose the peanut butter eggs over peanut butter hearts as a silent protest to the ridiculous holiday.  Any relationship or dating prospect that comes along within in the next 8 days will just have to deal without a little teddy bear holding onto a heart full of cheap chocolate, perhaps I'll just give out a handful of conversation hearts that have been updated for 2011 by saying 'Tweet Me'.  Although I consider myself to be a hopeless romantic, Valentine's Day is something I never plan to take part in, and frankly, we should just skip February 14th and move along to March 17th.