Saturday, December 4, 2010

Lost In Translation.

I spent roughly 100K on my education....give or take a few dollars here or there, and I will be paying student loans until I am about 138 years old.  When looking for a date, I don't necessarily expect someone to have collected as many degrees as I have, though I would prefer, at the least, a BS.  Now there are always exceptions to this rule of mine, and call me picky, but I do require working knowledge of basic sentence structure.

I logged onto one of the sites I frequent and had the following gem of a conversation with a 19 year old, who at 225 lbs and 48 inch waist describes himself as 'average' body type.

His profile headline states:  "dis ya boii big d tryna get n to sum hit me up"

With an introduction like that, how could I say no to any sort of interaction?  The conversation proceeded as follows:

Big D:  wad up
Me:  Nothing is up.
Big D:  lol y yu say id like dat
Me: Well I wasn't sure if you meant "what's up?"
Big D: well wyd
Me: What?

Already this conversation was off to an amazing start. Nothing turns me on more than sentences made up of fake words and lacking all grammar and punctuation, but let's continue...

Big D: what you doing
Me: I'm just trying to figure out what your messages say, I don't speak acronyms too well. Other than that, I just finished dinner. What are you doing?
Big D: nothing i am trying to find someone to chill wit for the nite
Me: Ahh, ok.

For a moment I was holding out hope that he did actually know how to type formulate sentences, when I asked him what he was doing, he was able to reply with a semi-coherent phrase. Then I get this...

Big D: wea uy live out east
Me: Your vocabulary is amazing.
Big D: lol y yu say dat
Me: I'm not even sure if your last message was in English, let alone if it were a question or a statement, and I have no idea what it was supposed to say. "Y", "yu", and "dat" are not words.

Seriously? Seriously? Why is this the type of person I attract?

Big D: where do you live out east
Me: I don't live "out east", I live on the east side of town.
Big D: me 2 do yu stay alone
Me: No, I have roomates.
Big D: do they know about you

I knew exactly what he was getting at, but I decided just to be a smartass and give him a hard time.

Me: Know what about me? I'm not a stow-away. They are aware that I occupy living space with them.
Big D: you messin wit dudes
Me: At the moment, I am not messing with anything, but yes they are aware.
Big D: aw ok, do yu have plans tonite?

Even if I didn't have plans this evening, I sure wouldn't let him know that.

Me: Yes.
Big D: i wanted to come chil wit you
Me: You don't even know me.
Big D: i read your profile & wanted to come get to know more about you

How did Big D manage to do a complete one-eighty, and pull a fully coherent sentence out of seemingly thin air?? I was blown away when he threw this curve ball at me.

Me: Ahh, well thanks, I'm flattered.
Big D: so can i come over

Whoa buddy, just because you started typing correctly does not mean I am about to invite you over.

Me: No.

And that is where the conversation ended, for obvious reasons. Regardless of my outrageously overpriced education, I expect you to be able to speak and type correctly. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask of a date to be able to use actual words in a sentence, I really don't think that should be considered being picky at all. Decoding what Big D was saying was more difficult than the analogy section on the GRE, and at the end I wasn't getting an exceptional standardized test score, but instead learning to interpret Ghetto-ese. I feel as though it would take more effort to type incorrectly than to just do it the right way. I worked really hard to go through school, I love proper grammar and prose, and frankly, I'd rather be picky than ghetto.


  1. As usual Joe, another bullseye. Cudos to those degrees!

  2. I still have no idea what half his comments said...