Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Time For A Rant.

Regardless of what happens in my life, I can always feel better about myself just by watching an episode of the wildly popular MTV show 'Teen Mom'.  These fools are a train wreck!  But as I sit here sipping my morning Bailey's and coffee and watching last night's episode of what I like to call 'How Not to Raise a Child', I feel much better about living in an attic and emailing back and forth with The Nugget.

Anyway, as I sit here, I am also Facebook chatting with a friend from college, well really more of an acquaintance.  And as so many of my friends, acquaintances, and co-workers have done before, this long-lost college friend made a suggestion for someone that I just have to meet, and go on a date with.  This happens all the time, and I love my friends, enjoy my acquaintances, and can tolerate my co-workers, but when this particular situation arrises I like to refer to them all as Well-Meaning Morons.  The Well-Meaning Morons feel the need, perhaps it is their idea of a good deed for humanity, to set me up with someone they know who just so happens to be gay.  It's as though a switch is flipped as this brilliant idea comes to fruition.  Well he's gay, and so is he, so obviously they must be a match made in heaven!  And the more I think about it, this seems to be the same method of matching that dating sites seem to use as well.  

This is the worst. rationale. ever.

Honestly, just because your friend dates guys, does not mean that I NEED to meet them.  Do they do anything else?  What do they like?  Dislike?  Can they read?  Are they a registered sex-offender?  Did you stop for just one minute to take any other interests, be it mutual or opposite, into consideration?  Perhaps it is just me being picky again, but I really need more to go by when looking for a date.  Well-Meaning Morons seem to think that all the gays are the same, and each one has everything in common as every other one does, and that each one is dying to date every other one as well.  Even if I were a unicorn, and you just so happened to know the only other unicorn on Earth, this does not mean that us two unicorns are meant to be together.  In this case, perhaps I would be more interested in a narwhal.

From now on, perhaps I will set my friends up on dates too.  I shall employ the same form of rationalization when choosing which of my friends are meant for each other.  i.e. Well Bill once wore a green shirt, and I know that Liz has a green shirt too, they must register at Pottery Barn for overpriced driftwood and get married ASAP!

As I have had to do so many times before, I simply inquired with a false interest, and replied to my well-meaning moron college acquaintance that sure, I'd chat with her friend that is bound to be my soul-mate. I am almost certain that nothing will come of this, mostly because I don't think this new found 'match' even lives within 500 miles of me, and frankly, I am not one to take advice from Well-Meaning Morons, or am I one to be set up on a date.


  1. Come to Chicago, we have Boystown I KNOW each and every one of those Tobel/French hybrids are your Narwhal soulmate!