OkCupid has this neat little feature called 'Quiver'. Quiver is some sort of technologically advanced relationship matching robot that searches through all of the OkCupid database and delivers 3 highly compatible matches. Quiver is actually a bunch of bullshit and just gives you the names of 3 completely random people who may or may not even live on the same side of the country as you. I'd hardly consider any of my Quiver matches to have been 'highly compatible', and why it is even called Quiver in the first place is beyond me. However, today I not only received my three matches, but one of my matches beat me to the punch and sent me a 'wink' first.
Waking up in the morning to a 'wink' is highly annoying in my book, about as annoying as someone ending every single one of their text messages with 'kisses'. If my profile interested you in any way, shape, or form, go ahead and say hello. Don't be a creeper profile stalker and just send an e-wink. Relate this to being in a bar. Buy me a drink, don't stand in the corner and wink at me every time I happen to make eye contact with you.
I checked out my winker's profile to see what was in store. Not only was this profile packed full of spelling, grammar, and syntax errors, the main picture was a complete turn off right out of the gate
Presenting exhibit A (face has been blurred to protect identity.)
What is this mess??
I am a fairly neat person, and have a specific order and way for many of my things. This picture makes me want to have a mini panic attack, and from what I can piece together, this match of mine is well on his way to living like a hoarder. Who wouldn't want to snuggle up in this cozy little nest of a bedroom? Well I wouldn't, that's for damn sure.
Not sure how much more I could take, I decided to press on and see what the profile actually had to say. Perhaps he was just having an off day when he was getting dressed that morning and perhaps he felt the need to not make his bed, throw his entire wardrobe all over the place, and choose some off-white-ish pants to wear for his online dating profile picture. I guess we all can't have the same standards of self presentation that I do, and that's perhaps why I'm single.
From what I read in his profile, LuvrBoi, "...likes to drive places like florida and listn to music that makes you rock from left to rite"
As much as I enjoy a good road trip, there are much better places to drive to than Florida, and I can't say that I have ever felt the need to rock left to rite while listening to any song. Upon further investigation I found out that LuvrBoi doesn't care for school too much, but does care about making himself better for a relationship. Well LuvrBoi, tip number 1 would be to clean up your damn room...let's start there.
I actually enjoy nit-picking at profiles, and perhaps I will start a weekly blog feature where I pick apart some unfortunate profile and list off everything that needs to be fixed and why we would never work out in any sort of relationship. I realize I am incredibly picky and judgmental, and frankly, I'd rather be single than date a future hoarder.