Monday, September 6, 2010

Jesus Loves A Winner!

If you are easily offended, you probably shouldn't continue reading.  But then again, if you're easily probably aren't reading the blog to begin with.

Nothing sounds like more fun on a Sunday afternoon than a 4 hour block of showtunes at the bar.  Showtunes and beer, it's like gay dream!  Got to the bar, said a few introductions here and there and ordered up some pitchers of beer.  When hanging out with a bunch of gay rugby players, no topic is really off limits.  Tonight's first order of business...operation cock ring.  Now with only a few sips of beer in my system, I sure was not ready for cock rings and such...but that made no difference.  A small group of about 6 of us quickly, almost like a sprint, headed up the street to assist one of the ruggers in finding his very first ring.  I really was not drunk enough for this impromptu field trip and what a touching sentiment!  I'm usually up for almost anything, but even this was a bit much for me. Why wouldn't you want to take 5 people along with you?  But now that I think about it, why were 5 people even willing to go??  With a little assistance from the sales associate, and yes assistance is needed in order to find the proper size and fit...somewhat like a bra fitting...the mission was complete.

Flash forward back to the actual showtunes portion of the evening.  The video clips they played from Mama Mia were actually better than the ABBA tribute band from two nights before.  I decided that whiskey was the last thing that I needed, so I opted for beer.  However Friend Brad decided he wanted to drink long island ice teas, and I would be too.  This was no normal long island,we were both fairly certain that they were laced with roofalin (sp?).  I could tell that if I were going to stick with the long islands, things could get out of hand...again.  I really need better self control. 

I never go to the bar with any sort of agenda, but I did make two rules for myself:
1.  Keep all of my clothes on at all times.
2.  Sleep in my own bed.

Well with the combination of free flowing beer and long islands I couldn't make any promises that I could stick to the rules.  At some point I ended up talking with a detective...not because I was engaging in illegal activities, but because he was at the bar too.  Well apparently I wasn't the only one interested in conversation with The Detective and now in my semi buzzed, possibly roofied, state of consciousness this seemed like a challenge.  I had competition to deal with, but I always get what I want.  Game on!  

The conversation, which was actually somewhat intelligent and not just about Bravo reality shows, continued with The Detective with few interruptions from The Competition.  However, at this point, it was time for food.  Friend Brad made a quick dash to save us a table at Suzy Wong's (owned by famed Top Chef contestant Arnold Myint who moonlights as Suzy Wong when in drag), and I tried to make a quick lap around the bar to see who all was interested.  At this point, I lost The Detective and had a sneaking suspicion that The Competition got the upper hand, but was more concerned about eating.  I figured he'd either be at the table, or I could just run into him again at some point in the evening.  Either way, I'd be fine if I could just tame my now ravenous hunger.  

I enjoyed quite a delicious meal, sans The Detective, at Suzy Wong's.  On the other hand, Homeowner Todd was not too thrilled with what was supposed to be sweet and sour chicken but turned out to be more like ketchup chicken ( but I didn't see a problem with this, and ended up eating most of that as well).  When I drink, my inner Ruby needs to be fed, and she has quite an appetite.  Still no Detective, so I figured I lost this little game I had made up in my mind.  Oh well, the night was still young and the next stop was Play Dance Bar.

I'd like to believe that since I am Nashville's very own Carrie Bradshaw, I got into the bar for free, but since that's probably not entirely accurate, thanks to who ever paid the cover!  I'm always in the mood for a drag show, and Suzy Wong would even be making an appearance.  Well as I expected, I met back up with The Detective...and along the way he had ditched The Competition.  This could be the home stretch, and clearly, I was in the lead.  And after a few more beers, some conversation, and an entertaining drag show I got to meet Suzy Wong herself!  Us celebs are drawn to each other.

I'm drunk, and Suzy Wong looks fabulous.

Well the night came to an end and it was time to head home.  Apparently The Homeowner had already offered for The Detective to stay at the house, so this really was going to be much easier than first anticipated.  I drove The Homeowner and The Detective back home and made it up to the attic to sleep in my own bed!  Upon waking up this morning, I was relieved that I had stuck to my rules.  Once again, I wasn't looking for a hook up and my night was G-Rated (minus the field trip), it just so happened that I had The Detective in my sights first, and was enjoying the conversation, and frankly Jesus loves a winner! 


  1. Jesus loves winners, and ketchup. I love you!!

  2. haha You totally are the Carrie Bradshaw of Nashville!

  3. I died laughing at the "inner Ruby" comment.

  4. Well it's true! I eat like crazy when I drink.